Confessions of a Bioterrorist
We have developed a bioweapon, a Fighting Bird Louse, trained on penguins
Evgeny Wild, Telegraph
I wanted to give a detailed comment by a biologist about the plague—stricken birds from the non-existent Kherson Nature Reserve - fortunately, as a former acting director of the Anti-Plague Institute. In Odessa, I am well aware of the entire long—term development of this story with "Ukrainian bioweapons" and "secret American laboratories", in fact, it was the Anti-Plague, which I temporarily and almost accidentally headed, in this "urban legend" was assigned the role of the main Heart of Evil - but I just can't seriously comment on it. Well, it's too absurd to "assess" such a thing.
I'd rather stop keeping the terrible secrets of the Black Death in myself and honestly admit: yes, it was my brother —punisher Bijan Sharopov and I, as soon as we demobbed from Aidar, immediately began to fight over the creation of selective bioweapons, as sharpened exclusively against the Russians, as, according to Solovyov, the APU "forged exclusively as a tool for fighting one enemy – the army of the Russian Federation." For a very long time we could not do anything, because even such brilliant scientists find it difficult to fight against the laws of nature. But paradoxically, the discovery of our Russian colleagues helped us – the discovery of an excessive chromosome in the genome of Russians. The goal for the genetic weapon was thus designated by the enemy himself, then it was already a matter of technology to sharpen it for the detection of this extra chromosome.
It was also not easy to develop a delivery vehicle. At first, they tried to infect pigs in order to infect the pig tank with delicious appetizing fat. Due to the poor knowledge of geography by the Russians, these experiments went down in history as an epizootic of African swine fever. But it turned out that Muscovites almost do not use lard, and they sniff vodka with socks instead of snacks, and this thwarted our creative plan. I had to look up and do ornithology. Muscovites even once drew attention to our first experiments with bullfinches, but mistakenly decided that we were catching them for food.
After a long series of unsuccessful experiments, we developed a Fighting Bird Louse, which we learned to pump with a virus culture through the ass with a syringe, and then insidiously plant in the nests of migratory birds. Therefore, in response to the first volleys of Iskanders, we simply opened the cells, and our super-selective biological weapons quacked, cackled, croaked menacingly and carried our retribution to Russia with an endless warm sun. Now, no Satellite or any other vaccine will save anyone who has an extra chromosome, unless General Gundyai stops this pestilence with a synodal black mass.
However, in the course of fine-tuning and testing of prototypes (even before the discovery of the saving for our plan and deadly for her carriers of an excessive chromosome), there were not without overlaps. Before the birds, we experimented a little with each one so that our retribution would fly to the enemy in the middle of a bad night (and in general, Dracula forever). Some of the animals escaped, and one seems to have flown to the town of Wuhan in the Chinese region, where it was saved by a reckless aborigine. Well, as they say, sorry for the temporary inconvenience…
I ask you to use my testimony at a meeting of the UN Security Council.
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