Sister! A tit!

The other day, another medical sensation floated on the Runet:

German experts have found out that the type of female breast has a positive effect on health and even increases life expectancy by 4-5 years! And 10 minutes of watching a woman's beautiful breasts is equivalent to a 30-minute exercise. At the same time, the female breast has a beneficial effect only on men, said Karen Weserbi, a doctor from Germany.

Weatherby conducted a study involving 200 men for 5 years. It turned out that the representatives of the stronger sex, who daily enjoyed the sight of female forms, were much less likely to suffer from hypertension and cardiovascular diseases than those who did not contemplate a woman's breasts.

It was also found that it is most useful to observe the breasts from different angles.

As usual, there is no sensible link in any of the sources – only to stupid Russian–language sites that copied this sensation from each other, without even bothering to correct grammatical errors - for example, such as: "the article was published in the Medical Almanac of New England." And there is no such magazine, even if the word "New" is written correctly. The closest analogue is the New England Journal of Medicine (New England, as well as Yankiland, if anyone does not know, is called five states in the northeast of the States). But I could not find anything like this on the website of this magazine – neither Karen, nor, just in case, Caren, nor in combination with the word bust (and, just in case, tits), nor all possible spellings of the doctor's surname – there is nothing similar in this magazine.

By the way, the "last issue" of the New English alma-koi-what is mentioned for the first time in Russian, it seems, in January 2005. And in 2006 they remembered about it, and in 2007, after the next version of this note was reprinted by a very businesslike and purely concrete newspaper "Vzglyad" (see below), having copied from somewhere another version of the ageless news and attached to it a silicone article from a ladies' magazine. In the spring of 2008, this nonsense is again served to the reader as fresh.

But obviously, at the heart of this eternally young news of medical science is some kind of imported primary source! At least because the text sometimes varies: the article is published in just a "Medical Almanac", and in the "authoritative American journal of Medicine" and, even more clearly, in "one medical journal". And the medical procedure in different sources is called differently: "admiring seductive female forms", "contemplation of beautiful female forms", as well as - viewing, looking at and even viewing (!) female breasts (bust). And they often write about the doctor in the masculine gender, although everywhere, except Armenia, Karen is definitely a female name, and who does not know this is the translator.

Google caveat lapidem: source – website About.com , but the category is Urban Legends! I.e. urban tales, if someone does not know American.

Here is the canonical text of the legend with the comment of the compiler of the collection. I'm too lazy to translate.

Description: Email hoax / Satire
Circulating since: March / April 2000
Status: False

Email example contributed in April 2000:

Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so. The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease.

"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Weatherby. "There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years."

Comments: Don't bet on it. No such study was published in the New England Journal of Medicine (check for yourself).

A search of the thousands of international medical journal articles contained in the Medline database turned up zero items on this topic and zero items authored by "Dr. Karen Weatherby", who presumably does not even exist.

If the story seems to smack of tabloid journalism, it's because that's precisely what it is. It began circulating via email in March or April 2000, not long after a similar article appeared in the consistently misinformative Weekly World News (nor is this the first time we've run into laughable rumors traceable to that source).

It goes without saying - I hope - that it's unwise to take medical advice from supermarket tabloids, still less from forwarded emails. Males who wish to increase their lifespans should consider practicing common sense as an alternative - it's more likely to achieve the desired result than any amount of breast ogling.

Admittedly, I don't have a medical study to back that up. Volunteers?

From David EmeryThanks to Comrade Emery for the clarification.

And for the sweet (in PS) – the promised article from the "View", in which this bullet was inflated to the seventh size. 

A Healthy Skeptic
Portal "Eternal youth" www.vechnayamolodost.ru  

17.04.2008

Looking at the chest is usefulGerman scientists have found out that the type of female breast has a beneficial effect on men's health and increases life expectancy by 4-5 years.

10 minutes of observing beautiful female forms is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. And fans of breast divination told how the shape of this part of the body affects the character and fate of a woman.

A study conducted by German scientists has shown that looking at women's breasts is very beneficial for men's health and increases their life expectancy, RSN reports. The greatest benefit comes from long-term observation of the breast from different angles.

For five years, researchers followed 200 men, and it turned out that those of them who enjoyed looking at buxom beauties had lower blood pressure, a calmer pulse and were less prone to heart disease compared to those men who did not look at women's breasts daily.

Dr. Karen Weatherby, who conducted the research, wrote the following in the New England Medical Almanac: "Just 10 minutes of observing beautiful female forms is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. Sexual arousal improves heartbeat and blood circulation. Undoubtedly, looking at women's breasts makes men healthier – a few minutes a day reduces the risk of a heart attack by half. We are sure that the average man can extend his life by 4-5 years by admiring a woman's breasts."

Sternomancy is a way of chest divination. For the first time, predicting the fate of a woman by the shape of her breasts began in Spain in the XVIII century. Today, researchers of female forms have advanced much further than our ancestors, reports yoki.ru .

The chest, curved by a "springboard", is commonly called a "fox nose". Its owner has a Nordic character and a sharp logical mind. Ladies with such breasts are executive and often become middle managers, but they rarely reach heights in business.

Among women with smooth rounded breasts in the shape of an apple, the largest percentage of frigidity. They really do not like to change their sexual partners, which is why they often get married at an early age. In marriage, they become complaisant housewives.

The shape of the breast, resembling a pear, speaks of an independent and self-willed nature, at the same time, its owners are more often stupid than others. But this does not prevent them from leading men by the nose. In marriage with them, enchanting sex, perversions and loud scandals in everyday life are guaranteed.

Ladies with triangular breasts ("goats") have long been considered the most temperamental and liberated in sex. They make great theater actresses and virtuoso porn actresses.

A woman with "eggplants" is pleasant in all respects. Love of life and voluptuousness are beating out of her with a key. However, almost any man next to her will be henpecked.

Most ladies with silicone breasts have very serious psychological problems, including self-doubt, fear of competition and narcissism.

A woman's nipple can tell a lot about it. A natural, high nipple is inherent in very generous natures striving for power. A slightly retracted and small nipple betrays a secretive and modest personality. Such women do not see anything special in sex, but in order to please a man, they fulfill most of his fantasies. Pink circles around the nipples mean softness, sincerity and kindness, and dark circles mean passion, adventurism.